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POSITIVE


 It's an awful feeling, being alone. Your thoughts ping back and forth, like a mental game of bumper pool.

Staying productive?
Staying on schedule?
Sticking to my routine?
How much social media?
How about the cellphone? 
Texting, emailing, zooming, surfing?
How about writing & recording?
How about walking, driving, meditating?
How about age, I'm in the COVID death zone. 

This is how it began, the signs were ubiquitous. 

" FREE COVID-19 TESTING, HAMMONASSET STATE PARK, 8AM TO 4PM, SUNDAY THRU SATURDAY."

I said to Julie, "we should do that, why not, it shouldn't hurt and we'll be supporting the Governor's initiative to improve the state's database, that's good for everyone."

I decided to do a trial run and check the wait time before Julie took a test. It's a Saturday, the line is long, I wait almost an hour before entering the testing tent. I complete a simple form, name, address, phone, email, age, gender, and a few health questions. At the first stop I receive an ID on a sticky note, it's slapped on my windshield, ID: 1-13, whatever that means?

I'm now in line, there were more cars ahead of me than I could see, the line snaked around orange traffic cones like those belts they use going through security at the airport.

The car radio is on music, I'm on my iPhone, news, sports, Facebook, Instagram, weather, text, and email; the useless stuff we all do when we have nothing better to do. Waiting in line is nothing better to do.

You have to pay attention to the car in front of you, while you're looking at your phone he has moved car lengths ahead and the guy behind you is laying on his horn, Grrr!

I finally arrive at the last stop before entering the testing tent, I hand in my completed form but there's a glitch in their system and I wait 10 mins before being waved into the tent.

The test is quick and painless, a long stick with a cotton swab on the end is stuck up both nostrils of my nose, no pain but it tickles!

The tester re-checks my identification for Quest Labs where results are analyzed and notices sent by text as I specified on the registration form.

It's now Tuesday, the text arrives with a big headline, all caps: POSITIVE, followed by the usual instructions, wash hands, wear a mask yadda, yadda. 

I'm stunned! I have absolutely no symptoms.

I'm doing everything right, mask, distancing, washing, sanitizer, staying home except for senior shopping at Stop & Shop, and avoiding family and friends.

I have no idea how I could have tested positive for COVID?

I'm calling the number of for questions on the notice, amazingly I get through to a nurse in record time. She's pleasant and knowledgeable, my first question? Is it possible my test result was a false positive? She replies with empathy, not condescension, which I appreciate.  "Anything is possible Mt. Hahn, but it would be highly unlikely, we conduct thousands of tests daily with certifiable results. You should take your POSITIVE result seriously and go into isolation immediately and follow the CDC guidelines."  She suggests that I'm asymptomatic, meaning I have no symptoms but am still infected and a threat to others.

I decide to get a second opinion and call my Primary Care Physician who I know, trust, and respect. His advice is the same, "yes a false positive or a testing error is possible but it's better to error on the side of caution and start your 14 days of isolation ASAP."

I'm on day-7, feeling fine, daily temperature normal, and no cold symptoms. Keeping my fingers crossed and following instructions. Julie tested NEGATIVE which surprised me, how do you live with someone 24/7, be infected with COVID, and not infect your partner?
The answer is no one knows but both the negative and the positive need to error on the side of caution and practice strict isolation protocol for 14 days. 

I started Instacart again for grocery delivery and cheating with a brief walk around the neighborhood but Julie and I have established guidelines for living, draconian but necessary. I sleep on the 2nd-floor couch of our one-bedroom townhouse, at my insistence, I don't mind, but admit I miss that warm body next to me, :)).

Julie and I will survive this, together, as we've done for 60 years but others who ignore the experts may not. 

As for my loneliness, it sucks. I find myself flipping from one thing to another without focus, without my normal concentration, with no joy, and wind up watching reruns of the House Of Cards, Suits, and The Queen's Gambit until I feel guilty and pick up The Splendid And The Vile, Erik Larson's epic biography of Winston Churchill and his family during the blitz. 

For me, reading and writing are the cornerstones of surviving my isolation, when I get lazy and turn on NETFLIX, my intellect and good sense suffer. 

The moral of this story, don't mess with the virus, you'll lose, it wins every time! 







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